just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
