Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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