my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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