I wish I could teleport
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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