i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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