I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
