Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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