I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
