You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
