shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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