At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
