what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
