I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
