Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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