I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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