She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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