Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
