Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
