I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
