Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
