i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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