My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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