Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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