Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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