I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
