Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
