dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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