I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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