Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
