i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
