They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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