he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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