Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
