In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
