The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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