dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
