i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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