Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
