Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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