I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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