The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
