matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
