I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
