My Higher Power is John Stamos
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
