True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
