wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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