shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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