woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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