How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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