it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
