Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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