During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
