Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
