She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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