Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
